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i be not ‘i’;
i am ‘am’,
i be as i, what i, when i, if and only if

i be.
whatever that is, where, whenever, that is.
i am what happens when i dare to be.
i be.
what happens when i am, when i be.

the subjective position conceals what we are ‘objectively’ being–
our dis-position, our inability to be positioned, our constant multiplication of position in an infinity of space–
the subject avoids being dislocated from the comforting illusion of “sure” or what is certain,
into the levity of ever fleeting, elusive, and vulnerable now(s)
wherein our being is bigger than our knowing
and our responsibility to grow in both is ever increasing in possibility.

to claim and name a resolved experience,
and privilege one essence over others,
is to also distance our selves from a plethora of experiences that we are occupying in space and time, to avoid responsibilities from some of the beings we have not claimed or known that we are, even when we are what we claim to be
to disavow the number of ways–seen and unseen– we are operating and being at once.

we attempt to control “am” through one stable, fixed “i”,
to stake out a position in the midst of an undefinable being in the world,

“am”,
the mandate of an active, fluid, temporal, unfixed, motion of being that permanently, always already unsettles “i” in a fixed and immovable way.

‘i’ struggle against uncertainty, fluidity, mobility for fear of emptiness,

we fear motion

for it may unsettle us and such possibility can make us sick

and we take flight from the gut-wrenching, existentially demanding question,

“what does it mean to be”, we hide under defensive, declarative façade, “[i] am” without admitting the basic and the evident– that the “i” owes its life to “am”, and that “i” is only at best whosoever can know or confess, that we are what we are and nothing else.

without being, without making invisible yet irreversible waves in our cosmic rotation, there is no “i” to speak of, for even if all we do is claim to be, then one who only claims to be is who we are

and so many of us this is- all of us at times. we are weighed down by the desire to “be” or not to be someone or something without the spiritual means, the will, to be it or own it.

yet, cosmically lucid experience is such that, when we least expect it, when we let down our existential, experiential guard,

our beings will in fact exceed our control, our definition, our limits and our being will surprise us. our being will embrace us even before we embrace it in full, but when we own this embrace, we will gain a new power– to be and to be fully– to be more than we thought we could.

joy will sneak up on us
pleasure will pick the locks to yet unfree bodies
knowledge will hack even the most mundane mainframes
passion will deceive our security systems
When we aren’t watchfully looking
transcendence will loose our cosmic anchors
and we will be lost at sea
in an ocean of possibility
and potential
and power
and our being will escape the small confines of our intellectual capacity for subjective naming;
our consciousness will rival our conscience
and our lives will be more than we imagined
and our lives will be more than we imagined
and our bodies will be places we can’t dream
and our dreams will be places we will be
and our waking will be more than we could plan
and our living will be more than our present
and our power will be more than just “i”

our power will be being
our power will be living
our power will be am
our power will be

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