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i am not ‘i’;
i am ‘am’,

whatever that is, where, whenever, that is.

the subjective position conceals what we are ‘objectively’ being–
our dis-position, our inability to be positioned, our constant multiplication of position in an infinity of space–
the subject avoids being dislocated from the comforting illusion of sure,
into the levity of ever fleeting, elusive, and vulnerable now(s)
wherein our being is bigger than our knowing
and our responsibility to grow in both is ever increasing in possibility.

to claim and name a resolved experience,
and privilege one essence over others,
is to also distance our selves from a plethora of experiences that we are occupying in space and time,
a number of ways we are operating and being at once.

we attempt to control “am” through one stable, fixed “i”,
to stake out a position in the midst of an undefinable being in the world,

“am”,
the mandate of an active, fluid, temporal, unfixed, motion of being that permanently, always already unsettles “i” in a fixed and immovable way.

‘i’ struggle against uncertainty, fluidity, mobility for fear of emptiness,

we fear motion

for it may unsettle us and such possibility can make us sick

and we take flight from the gut-wrenching, existentially demanding question,

“what does it mean to be”, we hide under defensive, declarative façade, “i am”

yet, cosmically lucid experience is such that, when we least expect it, when we let down our existential, experiential guard,

our beings will in fact exceed our control, our definition, our limits and our being will surprise us.

joy will sneak up on us
pleasure will pick the locks to our stiffened bodies
knowledge will hack our mainframes
passion will deceive our security systems
When we aren’t watchfully looking
transcendence will loose our cosmic anchors
and we will be lost at sea
in an ocean of possibility
and potential
and power
and our being will escape the small confines of our intellectual capacity for subjective naming;
our consciousness will rival our conscience
and our lives will be more than we imagined
and our lives will be more than we imagined
and our bodies will be places we can’t dream
and our dreams will be places we will be
and our waking will be more than we could plan
and our living will be more than our present
and our power will be more than just “i”

our power will be being
our power will be living
our power will be am
our power will be

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