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I am thinking
of how sadness comes to life.

Sadness comes
and stays.

It’s a mystery exactly how sadness goes—
if and when it does—
and when it does
we are often left to wonder
did it go deeper, inside?
did it go away?
is it on vacation?

But still, I’m thinking
of how sadness comes to life

how
sadness comes to be
to being
to beings
into being
into beings
How sadness comes to visit.

I know it’s silly and calloused non-logic that suggests
that sadness comes to life through thought
Many have tried to ignore it,
un-think it
or even more foolhardy to unlearn it
but Sadness has a mind of its own

Sadness too lives in the cohort and constellation of ‘pain’
in the body

deeper, inside
the body
Sadness does also take good rest

so we must be thinking
of how sadness comes to be
not wishing it simply were not
not behaving—
no, acting
as though it isn’t
when in fact it is.

                              How can you wish away,
think away,
ignore what doesn’t exist?

to think, wish or disabuse something
isn’t really a participation in the creative governance of
ontics or of the matters of the Real,
but to merely, through the agentive power of imagination,
of which Sadness needs no part anyway,
put it further from the mind

rendering a cold war colder
ruining negotiations
without having any stake in the disastrous outcomes

to put it,
in the existentially real and present sense,
somewhere else
only being left to dogmatically and performatively
abandon the question of where it goes
deeper, inside?
away?
on vacation?

the mind is a selfish lover.
what does not concern it
it pays no concern
all being left to shoulder the burdens
and pay a tension
which tired flesh has not yet earned
strength to face
what the facade of conscious being will not

so we must insist on thinking
of how sadness comes to be
but
not undo it
nor to bargain with it to give us time or space
but to be sure in our doing and in our being to occupy it
to keep Sadness in unrest, whether deep, whether away, whether else where
to keep Sadness as busy as a death driven honey-bee, with only one sting

and a productive life leaving behind something so sultry

to make it creative, to make it ponder, to make it meditate, to put it to work
to demand payment
to say, if you must, if we must,
labor under the lumber of sullen feelings
we must be made more thoughtful
we must have our passion and compassion increased
we must be energized to rightful anger

we must task Sadness to the near magical,
to turn allergens to something so sweet it must be sticky.

we demand to be many more than multi-dimensional
and complicated to the point of a minimalistic, functional, wise
and exquisite beauty.

Sadness, we must be thinking,
not away, but into our eternal service.

We’ve tried and can’t stop the march of death.
We cannot imagine enough afterlives or even one so vividly,
we cannot drink, drug, or sleep away the pain known as,
the dulling sensation of pain known as Sadness, to know Sadness any
less

but we must understand in some small or intractable and even untranslatable way that sadness
comes to be,
in the way the universe, the world, that time, space
that we, come to be

through the bare facilities of survival,
through the futile inevitable,
through no activity, action or fault of our own,
simply as a consequence of a resolutely, inviolably, permanently foregone past which is immovable as of now,
which is known as now

and sadness persists,
survives,
grows,
and reinvents itself
in the very way we come to be

by activity, by purpose, by recurring dreams,

by sleeping,
by waking and running
by mounting
and riding
and grinding
and feeling
and losing
and breathing
and yelling
and moaning
and groaning
and coming
and going
and exhaling
and sighing
and remembering what day it is again
and putting our clothes back on
and getting back to the illusion
that we don’t want to do this again
until we ride the train and the rhythm reminds us
of the rock-and-roll in our bed frames
or our bodies simply demand more
deeper, in side
away, or simply a vacation.

We must be thinking not how sadness alone comes to be
but how sadness
and our contemplations
negotiations
vacations
how sadness and the will to overcome it
are in large part responsible
for how we come to be
we could be thinking
without knowing it
without thinking about it
of how we come to be

whether deeper inside
or away
or more deeply outside
somewhere on vacation
We might be thinking
about what it means to be at all
to be fifteen steps ahead of how
far off from why
simply working through the question
not of how things came to be
but just thinking
of how to be
altogether,
how to be sad,
whether
deeply, inside,
or how to be sad
someway or somewhere else
or how to be sad, but
on longer, and longer, and longer vacations.

maybe figuring out how to be sad
means we don’t actually have to be so sad
after all.

for perhaps, knowing how sadness comes to be means we know how it all comes to be, in balance and we then come to know know how joy comes to be and will then come to be something sweet, something like ‘peace’, always almost complete.

 

featured photo: “the lights”, multimedia portrait, 3ftx3ft, chicago, IL

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