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once on a dance floor
a woman
dug
into my pants and felt around

i was thrown off–
but unafraid

despite my dysfunctional understanding
of sex and of the body
and the world i survived

the power and privilege
of my dick
as dominant

never felt so real

and in that moment
i never felt more ashamed

and responsible
for the violence

that i am
for the same kinds of violence
i have been.

who i would not be
if i could undo
but i would not be
who i am

and that happens to be the pain
of being
in worlds of violence

and the violence that i have been
is the horrid price
for the peace and healing i hope to be

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